A Book Review of "The Courage To Be Chaste" by Fr. Benedict J. Groeschel, C.F.R.
Father Benedict Joseph (Robert Peter) Groeschel, CFR is a well-known author, speaker, psychologist, and spiritual director. Always in his Franciscan habit, Groeschel traveled the globe for years bringing the Gospel message to any who would listen. In his book "The Courage to be Chaste" the message of the Gospel that Father Benedict is touching on, which is Good News, is one of the evangelical counsels that Christ himself came to teach, Chastity. Our Lord came to earth and lived a chaste life but he was not the first. Father Groeschel states in his book, "Long before the preaching of the Gospel, chaste celibacy and chaste discipline in marriage had been linked with spirituality in many world religions...The reason for this discipline may have been more anthropological than spiritual, but the fact remains that man has historically linked sexual abstinence with the search for God." (p. 100) In my search for God I was led to this book. Like Father Groeschel, I am striving to live a life in imitation of Christ, poor, CHASTE, and obedient.
Fr. Groeschel begins with a working definition for chastity. He says it is the avoidance of genital and pregenital sexual behavior and also implies that one would avoid personal relationships of human affection which could lead to genital expression (p. 12). In "Living a Chaste Single Life in Today's World" Groeschel states, "For all Christians, married, single or religious, chastity is not simply a struggle with physical urges and drives. It is part of the greater effort to seek God above and through all things. Chastity is an aspect of purity of mind and heart, of thought and desire. Like every worthwhile thing in life, chastity is a struggle which has its rewards. They are summed up in the Beatitude, ‘How blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God’" (p.21). Whether we know it, or admit it, or not, we long to see God. The act of love is a beautiful and intimate way to see God. Living a life of chastity lubricates our eyes in preparation to see the great mystery of the Coming of Christ, everyday penetrating our minds and hearts. God is within, it cannot be shaken. What does shake Him is sin! Dag Hammarskjold, a single man, speaks in his diary Markings about Original Sin, which he says is "the dark center of evil in our nature-that is to say, though it is not our nature, it is of it..." The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that original sin is the "reverse side" of the Good News that Jesus is the Savior of all men, that all men need salvation. The revelation of original sin cannot be tampered with without undermining the mystery of Christ (CCC 389). Hammarskjold in his diary goes on to say something that resounds in me as I stand for the consecration every day, "It is when we stand in the righteous all seeing light of love that we can dare to look at, admit, and consciously suffer under this something in us which wills disaster, misfortune, defeat to everything outside the sphere of our narrowest self-interest. So, a living relation to God is the necessary precondition for the self-knowledge which enables us to follow a straight path, and so be victorious over ourselves, forgiven by ourselves" (p. 16). I would also add after having encountered Jesus in the Sacraments, forgiven by God.
In "Understanding Your Choice of a Celibate Life" you need a profound sense of reliance on God and a prayerful realization that you are attempting something that is impossible for human nature and can only be accomplished through the abundant outpouring of God's grace. For the Christian there must be the belief that Providence has directed the choice of a spouse. Some people must accept that, in the Providence of God, they have been called to a single life" (p.25). This chaste life is a specific form of discipleship which gives a purpose and goal to the price of being single. In making this firm commitment to discipleship, one’s own self-respect will be enhanced followed by the ability to be a blessing to others. One becomes a gift. In my specific situation as a consecrated religious I have received a gift which is in turn for the Church, a charism. We unite our sufferings with the sufferings of Christ for the sake of His body the Church. This includes widows and divorced who are involuntarily forced into chastity. Widows can find this as a time of great religious fervor where their love for Christ as Savior grows ever deeper and their zeal to follow the Gospel teachings is taken to a new level. This can also be a time for widowed and divorced where "grief, loneliness, and alienation from couples who had been their friends leave them more vulnerable to sexual impulses than they had ever been" (p.28). This is where the Church's presence, which includes their time and love, is severely needed, especially as a witness of living the life of chastity. By this witness the Church can become a huge source of comfort, healing, and also education on how to joyfully and faithfully live a life in conformity to Christ. Loving through the suffering as He did most memorably when He was on the Cross is a great witness. God is faithful and that is what we are all called to be in whatever walk of life the Lord leads us on-faithful servants.
Father Groeschel speaks of three other types of people that may be single for specific reasons. The person who is single out of fear, the single homosexually oriented person, and the single who struggles with sexual deviation. He says, "The chastity which Christ offers to those who will follow His way may be the only real way out of a difficult situation. He says to all, ‘Come to Me, all you who are heavily burdened’ (Mt. 11:28)" (p.34). We should be the witness of peace and contentment even in the midst of difficulties. We cannot give this witness by simply avoiding forbidden behavior, this witness must be a way of life.
In the chapter "Sexuality in a Chaste Single Life" Fr. Groeschel states that psychotherapists have pointed out that the common factor in those who live with serious sexual problems is unrealism, "a deeply rooted unwillingness to accept reality” (p.35). They are always waiting for the perfect lady or the white knight to come along. This unrealistic thinking that one can live without sexuality leads to the old heresy of Manicheism or Albigensianism which eventually led to terrible sexual excesses on the part of those who attempted to be absolutely pure. The most dangerous sexual unrealism is the pretense that humans can be angels (p.35). Intimacy, tenderness, and emotion should not be suppressed nor should one resort to an unrealistic puritanism. Four suggestions to combat these complex challenges are given":
1. The single person should cultivate a wide variety of relationships, some of which are obviously intimate and affectionate such as family and friends. These relationships need to be cultivated like plants in a garden.
2. If you want to be at peace and a chaste celibate, it is wise to form friendships with people who are not sexually attractive to you otherwise life gets to conflicted.
3. An honest person should be humble enough to admit when seductiveness has accidently entered a relationship. If one really intends to remain single, it is hardly a form of love to play with a friend's affection or life.
4. The most powerful friendship may be formed with a "companion on the inner way" - a term coined by Morton Kelsey (p.39). This could also be called a "spiritual friend." In order to grow in our spiritual lives and also to keep one another accountable we, as a community of religious priests, brothers, sisters and lay members married and single participate in an exercise called spiritual grouping. It is a beautiful thing to share and journey with men and women who are of like mind, Christ's mind, and to be of one heart and one mind.
Fr. Groeschel states that chastity is simple but not easy. The practice of any virtue will simplify life’s choices and also the consequences that follow these choices leaving us free to carry the easy yoke and the light burden of Jesus Christ.
"St. Augustine, who broke free from a life of illicit sexual indulgence, described in poetic language the experience of one called by God to chastity after a life of sin. ‘Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved Thee! For behold Thou wert within me, and I outside; and I sought Thee outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things that Thou hast made. Thou wert with me and I was not with Thee. I was kept from Thee by those things, yet had they not been in Thee, they would not have been at all. Thou didst call and cry to me and break open my deafness; and Thou didst send forth Thy beams and shine upon me and chase away my blindness: Thou didst breathe fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and do now pant for Thee: I tasted Thee, and now hunger and thirst for Thee: Thou didst touch me, and I have burned for Thy peace’” (p.54).
Fr. Groeschel does not leave us without advice but goes on to give suggestions for living the single life. He reiterates strongly what he has already suggested earlier in the book: that of having many friends and acquaintances. In my position I have seen people become consumed with friends and groups and avoid making a true commitment to God. One should make the commitment first-get married, enter a community, take a vow that St. Paul preaches about. One shouldn't be single for the sake of being single and having friends, all things must point to God, especially your life. He suggests the zealous living out of your faith by "going the extra mile," helping the poor and the needy and also giving greatly of yourself in relationships with married friends and family. He also suggests hobbies such as painting for self-expression. Painting as a hobby and an outlet is seen in a lot of the Saints: St. Luke, St. Hildegard, St. Therese. Theirs of course mostly have some form of religious connotation and is also a form of prayer. Groeschel alludes to St. Augustine again by speaking about the Restless Heart. "The single person who does not lead a vibrant spiritual life, with resolution and a willingness to persevere in trial and aridity, is going to experience a terrible restless heart" (p.82). He speaks the blunt, honest truth when he says "the single person, including cleric or religious enduring loneliness, misunderstanding and perhaps moral failure, must face all this alone. Friends are great but they are not always there, especially in the dead of night" (p.82). He resolves this by suggesting a dedicated and ordered life of prayer, which leads to the Eucharist.
In "Chastity and Spirituality,” Fr. Groeschel points out that the Christian, whether married or single, lives a life of service, with the cleric and religious in a special way becoming a brother or sister to others. This life cannot be lived without prayer. Jesus told us to pray ceaselessly and living the chaste life frees us to do just that. "A life of prayer is a very serious commitment. At first it means fidelity to meditation and vocal prayer, but as time goes on it leads to inner purification and a more intense listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit" (p.102). Groeschel tells the story of a Protestant clergyman who came to see him about anonymous homosexual contacts. He had a wife and family and the homosexual behavior did not come into his life until his thirties. It was not only sinful but could infect his wife. He prayed, fasted, and made a retreat. Groeschel suggested something that many Catholics have found to be of great spiritual help: a daily hour spent in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. He made it part of his life. He gained strength against temptation and his profound guilt and self-hate began to dissipate. He more and more accepted Christ's love for him. Although he had gone through the adult experience of a second conversion or "second birth," he now experienced a whole new loving awareness of Christ as his Savior.
Having taken a vow of chastity, living as a consecrated Religious Sister, I would like to conclude with a description of our life of chastity.
"We, the Community of Jesus Crucified, are lay, cleric, Priest/Brother and Sister Servant members of the Roman Catholic Church who bind ourselves together to freely consecrate our lives, and the joys and sufferings inherent in our state of life, for the service of a suffering and wounded humanity undergoing purification in time and in eternity, and for those persons on earth who do not yet choose to consciously strive to live a life of union with Jesus in grace. This charism of the wounded Christ which we strive to live is the "fleshing out" in our lay and religious lives the words of St. Paul (Col. 1:24), "In my own body, I make up for what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ for the sake of his Body, the Church." Members participate in the dying dispositions of Jesus as He was dying crucified upon the cross. The Priest/Brother and Sister Servants of Jesus Crucified are contemplative actives who strive for a contemplative union with Jesus Crucified through prayer and works. They live a common life, chant the Liturgy of the Hours in common, have daily adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, and assume vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. In addition to their service to the lay members, the priest are much involved in preaching, and the religious are involved in teaching, ministry to the sick and dying, spiritual direction and directing retreats. The Community recognized Mary, our Mother of Sorrows, as the model contemplative and chooses her as the first and perpetual superior of the Community of Jesus Crucified" (from Brief Description of Community of Jesus Crucified).
Bibliography:
Groeschel, Benedict J. The Courage To Be Chaste. Mahwah, New Jersey: Paulist Press, 1985.
Catholic Church. Catechism of the Catholic Church: Revised in Accordance with the Official Latin Text Promulgated by Pope John Paul II. 2nd ed. Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1995. Print.